your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
