You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
