My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
