i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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