when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
