She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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