She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
