I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
