we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and she was petting her beer can
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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