dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
