if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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