This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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