and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
