ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
