Already got asked if we're dating
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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