I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
