I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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