I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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