you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
