I faked an abortion last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
