it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's rum buckets o'clock
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
