K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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