i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
