no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
