you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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