I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
