ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
