Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
