i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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