the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
