You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
