yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
