Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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