I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize