i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
