And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
