I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
