Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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