No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
there is glitter all over my balls
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