He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize