it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
