It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
