I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
