Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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