guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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