If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
