OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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