I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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