There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
