He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
