So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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