3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
