In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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