i barfeds in our rink
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
