The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize