You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
