remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
