You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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