the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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