I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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