Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
