yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
