Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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