i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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