No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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