Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
