Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
