Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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