I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
