i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
