When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Two words: nipple clamps
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