Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
