we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
