The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
