fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
