So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
do herpes really smell.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
