so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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