I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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