Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
