I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
