I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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