Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Still dying that you shit outside
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
