she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
