Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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