Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
