omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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