Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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